my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize