i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
