singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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