Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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