M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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