Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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