woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
