Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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