Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
