We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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