Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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