Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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