The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i will never coherently bang her
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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