is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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