i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize