I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
