i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
