how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
