i permit you to call me
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
