I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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