I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
did i just pee glitter
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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