don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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