hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
