oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
