Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
