are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
