that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
