And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
