Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
