I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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