went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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