sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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