Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Duck Duck Cougar?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
