Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
