doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
