his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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