he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she peed on how many people?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
