Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You are a genius and a whore.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
