Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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