Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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