so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
