I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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