dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
