got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
