Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
