but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it glows. i had to have it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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