Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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