I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize