Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
