I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
