I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
