sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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