well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
