Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
