Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
