If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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