Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
