The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
