he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Drunk is not a location!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
