dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
