I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
