i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
