Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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