How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do vagina's smell?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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