would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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