forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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