last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
