Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
should my penis look like a turkey
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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