WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
