thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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