wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
