If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
