And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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