Apparently you make a good broom.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
