my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
