Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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