I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize