just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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