Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
