yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
