Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
this is an emotional support booty call
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
