Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just threw up on my dentist
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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