So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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