I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
