Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
