TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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