You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
