This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
