i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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