I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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