he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize