i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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