Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
