You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
