I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
