The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
