i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
