Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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