Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
