I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize