Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
