just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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