Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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