That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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