i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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