The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
