After last night, I could never be a politician.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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