So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
