I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
