Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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